Our school story

We didn't know Sophie had Aspergers until very recently (she's 19 now) so our school battles were different to those of you who have dx at school age, but I thought I'd share our story as it was a huge part of our lives. Hopefully Sophie might give you her side of the story when she reads this (and probably a list of spelling and grammer mistakes I've made [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_biggrin.png[/img]) :

Sophie never really enjoyed school, like a lot of kids with Asperger's she loved the learning but found it hard to make friends. She would not break the school rules under any curcumstances and got cross when other children did (like talking in class) and when the teacher didn't ridgidly impose these rules. She would also get fustrated in maths when they would cover the same subject week after week when she had mastered it in the first week and wanted to move on.

She became a 'school refuser' we had huge arguements and battles each morning as I attempted to get her to school, I didn't want to give in as I couldn't see an alternative and would drag her there, something which became harder as she got bigger! Each morning was hell for both of us and on the mornings when I couldn't get her there I would have to pay someone to look after her whilst I went to work, which caused me to end up in a lot of debt.

At upper school things really came to a head, the school was extremelly unhelpful, they did refer Sophie to the school youth worker who was very understanding and brilliant with both of us but even she became fustrated at the lack of help from the school. They rufused to send work home for Sophie on the days she could not make it in even though she was still keen to do the work and they would not compromise in any way. Eventually the woman from the LEA became involved and again offered no help or support to us and the implication was firmly that I was a mother who had smothered her child preventing her from becoming independant! Nothing could have been further from the truth - trust me - I desperately wanted Sophie to be more indepenant and had tried all her childhood to promote this. AARRRGGHH I was sooo fustrated, all I wanted was my child to be able to attend school or at least do the work but there was no help with this from the school what so ever.

One evening we had a knock at the door, the chap introduced himself as Bill Coxon and explained the school had been in touch with him about Sophie. I must admit I was suspisious at first but had enough information that could have only come from the school (who hadn't bothered to tell me he would be calling) for me to realise he must be genuine. Thinking he was another truancy officer I let him in with a weary heart. He explained he was from something called NotSchool and asked if we had been told about it or hear of it, which we hadn't.

He went on to explain that NotSchool is home schooling for children who could not attend 'normal' school for whatever reason, illness, exclusion or school phobia (which is what he belived Sophie to have). NotSchool is paid for by the LEA, the money that would normally be paid to the school for Sophie's attendance would go to them instead. They would provide Sophie with a computer, printer, scanner, camera and anything she needed for her work and she would attend an online community school where she could choose each day which projects she would like to do and work towards qualifications. These are not all sat at once like exams at school and they are based on project work. If Sophie still wished to sit her normal exams then this could be arranged too. The approach they take is to be as different as possible to the normal education system which has failed the children who attend. I was worried about Sophie missing out on social interaction but he explained they encourage online socialising and had day courses the children could attend if the subject was of interest to them.

I can honestly say that me and Sophie thought an angel had landed on our doorstep!

Whatever your thoughts on homeschooling and believe me people do have strong opinions! we could not continue as we were and for us this provided the answer. I would love to tell you a story about how the school helped Sophie to fit in, helped us get a diagnosis etc etc but sadly this was not the case and what we were offered was a true lifeline.

Sophie did attend College for a year after finishing school which she enjoyed greatly (she did a music course) but sadly when she signed up for the follow on course the next year she found it not to be what she was expecting and struggled with what was expected of her and dropped out.

Whilst I wish with all my heart Sophie had had an earlier diagnosis and the help and understanding she so desperately needed (from me too, I must add) we muddled through and for any parent struggling to get there child to school each morning I offer my deepest understanding and sympathy.

If you want to learn more about NotSchool then the link is: [url=http://www.inclusiontrust.org/notschool/Home%20Page]http://www.inclusiontrust.org/notschool/Home%20Page[/url]

Sarah

What an amazing account Sarah, I felt the frustration! As for home schooling, I think it's a fantastic idea, I know some parents are worried about the 'social' side because it's seems an isolated way to learn but if the main situation is dealt with first i.e. the education, then this promotes self-confidence and the social 'add-ons' can be eased in and structured appropriately.
So so glad the 'angel' arrived eventually, but what a journey to get there!

What I would say about going down the route of home schooling is be aware of and prepared for other's reactions. People really don't understand, I don't think they mean anything but concern but it can be very hard to feel you are constantly defending and explaining it.

Sophie was 13 when she joined NotSchool by the way, it is primarily for teenagers in the 14 - 16 group but they do accept younger children in exceptional cercumstances.

Thanks for the information Sarah, I shall take a look as I've not heard of that one . My son was home educated and we have an article on the pros of home schooling on our website, although it really is not for everyone - I know a number of parents who would go insane if they had to do it!
This is a lovely forum - no nastiness (well no yet anyway). Thanks

Which website is yours, could you post a link please I would like to see it [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_biggrin.png[/img]

I hope we have no nastiness on here, I have looked at other forums and feel some people are very judgemental when commenting of other people's posts which is a little off putting! I would like to think people on here will all support each other [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_flower.png[/img]

here here!
[url=http://www.smileys.me.uk/][img]http://www.smileys.me.uk/smileys/Love/love0028.gif[/img][/url]

Our website is www.asteens.co.uk

We are non-profit making. We have already put around £600 of our own money into the website, questionnaires and sending out our book for training purposes. Most of our children had really bad expeiences at school and we are determined to try and change things so that the next lot of children don't have to have such a rotten time.

Wouldn't it be great if this forum could somehow manage to stay so nice - only attracting people who wish to support and try to understand one another. I feel that on many other forums a few people set the tone and everyone else is expected to agree. The reality is that all our children are different and so are all our experiences - what works for one person with aspergers may not work for another

Thanks

What an amazing journey Sarah! a couple of years ago we considered the idea of home schooling Ashlee, it was just all so hard for her, she was battling severe depression, constantly being picked on at school for being different etc etc..
We managed to get out of that dark place and i guess we kinda never gave it a second thought.. last year was the year that everything began to change for the better.. It all was because she had a wonderful dear teacher who was willing to stop and listen to her, I likend the teacher to almost a grandmother figure.. so sweet yet firm when needed and ALWAYS there for Ash no matter what.. It was the teacher that started our ball rolling to get an 'official diagnosis..
It was really quite strange how much a piece of paper from the specialist changed Ashlees life.. It was shocking how this one piece of paper made the education department almost fall to its knees in willingness to now help us rather than ignore us..
Its been quite overwhelming and its now ME who has to learn to take the help thats offered.. each school term we have a IPE meeting and we get to make the decisions on her education.. we get to tell the education department what WE want ashlee to learn at school..
One of the things we chose last term was learning to better understand social cues and having a better understanding of the peers around her.. some of the lessons for this involved sitting outside the school library with her special needs teacher and learning to read others facial expressions and learning when it would be an appropriate time to perhaps enter someones conversation without being rude.. and guess what [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_smile.gif[/img] from going to having absolutly NO friends at all for her whole schooling life so far, she is now surrounded by friends! she no longer sits alone in a corner looking sad with her head in a book at lunch times.. she is in a little really great group of friends having the time of her life.. She has a teacher just for her during classes who helps her if she is lagging behind, they now recognise that Ashlee has major concentation issues lol so they now let her just pin point the facts during lessons instead of feeding her all the other trivial (yet interseting) information that goes along with it.. she is allowed to highlight text books and have the written work printed out for her now rather than her having to write it all out from the board.. If writting is involved she is able to type it instead or have her special needs teacher type it out for her.. they already know she is smart, she is an A grade student in all subjects except sports hahaha they realise the in class work is really just a time filler for her, she only needs to be fed the facts once or twice.. not lesson after lesson..
Every child is so different.. If it wasnt for the support network I now have with the school, who knows where i would be.. probably still feeling very alone and isolated, Its nice to now not be made to think its all in my head and that im just imagining it.. [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_sunny.png[/img]

sorry for hijacking your thread and please excuse my typos.. [img]https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/icon_redface.gif[/img]